Decompress:

August was such a month! Many twinges of guilt for not posting hit me but I felt authentically present in each day that August contained. It was my birthday month and I felt so good, being present and wasting money on all the things I wanted lol #adulting??? Birthday Post coming soon...

Blogpost:

“Bald head scally wag ain't got no hair in the back...”

8.

When I was in the third grade, I said “bye, girllll, bye” to the beaded dookie braids and got my first at-home perm under the hands of my auntie. After the process, I ran my hands through my silky bone-straight hair and I felt like how I assumed all the other girls with permed hair felt: beautiful. Little did I know my hair would suffer time and time again from the relaxers and my scalp would hate me for years to come.

12.

In middle school, I got into a fight with (I’m not gonna say her real name because I’m not that ghettooo) “Olive” because in 5th period somehow the class got into the discussion of hair and somebody said “Nehemie’s hair is longer than yours, Olive...” And I didn’t even say anything because I don’t like drama and if you think yourself invisible then you are… right? So I let my friends and her friends debate about it and finally the bell rang and I scooted my little butt right on out of the class. BUT as I was walking down the hallway, Olive snatched my curly 1B ponytail out and said “You think you got more hair than me?” and with tears streaming down my face, I fought for my honor that day. Some say she won, some say I won, I didn’t care. I was just salty that she ripped out the curly ponytail, my mama took her time to wrap into my hair.

21.

After years of wearing sew-ins, braids and glued-on 27 pieces, I cut my hair off but I hid it with wigs. Many would ask me “How come we never see your hair?” and I would avoid the conversation, switch topics or ignore the question. If I was feeling bold, sometimes I would just say “I’m growing my edges out” which was a valid statement but still an excuse. Over time, I realized that I didn’t know how to take care of my hair, I didn’t know my texture, I just didn’t know ANYTHING and that scared me so I just covered up my head 24/7.

25.

While scrolling on instagram, I saw this video that read “how to get your edges back,” and out of interest I clicked on the video. For a minute and 25 seconds I watched a woman take a bunch of black hair glue and glue on hair pieces to her edge line and I thought to myself…” Does that even make sense? That’s literally not even solving the problem.. It’s covering it. What’s gonna be the lady’s hairline 5, 10, 20 years from now?” At that moment, I realized I gotta do something different if I really want my edges to grow and if I want to learn my hair for real for real this time.

Present.

I big chopped on August 16, 2019. I currently feel extremely free. I just feel like I don’t have to fit into the world’s standard of beauty anymore. Hair is something that as a black woman, we struggle with on a daily basis. Thoughts of “Is it straight enough? Are the greys gone? Will he/she like it?” But when you chop off your hair, there is a sense of freedom that comes along with it. A freedom to speak your mind, wear what you want, and do what you want. I feel like I am walking even more into myself. More into who I’m meant to be and honestly, I should’ve done this years ago.

Thank you Linda & Tasy for inspiring & encouraging me to step even more into myself, to get past my fear and to JUST DO IT. I love you guys frfr :) Thank you Lou at CiCiLove Curls Hair Studio in Miami Beach for the cut and color.

bald head scally wag big chop | Things We Don't Talk About