I honestly was just about to crash.

My schedule was overloaded with things and people I absolutely love without a shadow of a doubt but I was close to being depleted. When my head would hit my pillow, I’d knock out immediately from the exhaustion from being up and out from 4 AM to about 10 PM almost every day. My “off” days were spent running errands or catching up on my never-ending to-do list. I remember thinking to myself “just keep pushing through… you just gotta make it to May… keep… going…”

and then…

the Coronas hit.

The virus that has sent thousands into a panic and thousands more into hospitals. It finally hit my reality. In a matter of days: meetings, events, visits, trips, and even Ikea dates got canceled or postponed indefinitely.

It took my whole entire life being canceled for me to finally STOP. To stop my consistent flow of wake up, run to work, rush here, rush there, meet here, go there, pick this up, return that, drive here, go there. The constant flow of movement finally stopped.

I was forced to stop.

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…and then the anxiety swept in like an old friend I didn’t plan on meeting.

It started with one phrase: “you could be an asymptomatic carrier and pass it to your loved ones.“

Just an hour before I heard that statement, I was inside of a Target side-eyeing women with face masks and gloves on. My understanding was that symptoms would be prevalent with the virus so this new information made me question EVERYONE I was around. I spent days worrying about getting the people I cherish the most sick. I’m still processing this honestly.

Though this month looks a lot different than I had planned it, I’m okay.

I've learned that:

God is necessary. The way my schedule was set-up, I was doing tew much. But now I'm taking this time to reset: emotionally, mentally and spiritually. I get to wake up to more of God instead of doing that rushed 10 minute chat before work. As confusing as the times are, God isn't. He's consistent, He's here, He's intentional and He always will be. Last week, I would wake up in a panic trying to understand all there is to Corona. This week though, since I've decided to leave all of this in Gods hands, I've been waking up enraptured in glee. Waking up hopeful to hear from God. From the birds singing outside to the wind blowing against my skin on my evening walks. I’ve reset emotionally too: getting intune with what and why I feel what I’m feeling. At first this was quite upsetting. I remember sitting in my room, literally my skin reeling from all different kinds of emotions and I had to sit before God and talk to Him (out of my mouth with words) and just be real with how scared, annoyed and frustrated I was concerning this virus. He already knew what I was feeling but me saying it out loud gave me the safe space to validate my emotions and thoughts without feeling like a “bad Christian.” I’ve also reset mentally. Yooooo, my brain was tiiiiireeeddddd from all the thinking I was doing. The information overload and the continous maze of trying to figure everything out “on my own” was too much. My brain shorted FOR REAL lol and my body was like “no.” So I had to reset my mind and allow it to differentiate between what I can do right now and what is out of my hands. It’s still hard but I’m here.

The quiet is necessary. I finally turned off the news. I put all of my socials on time blocking apps and I don’t answer the phone when I'm in a crappy mood. It’s best for all of us, really.

Worship is necessary. When my words fail me and the doubt/fear tries to grip my faith again, I turn on some of my favorite worship songs that soothe my soul and mind back to Gods home. Here’s a link to the songs that have been keeping me aligned with Gods promises.

Let’s chat!!

How has the Corona been affecting your life? What songs have been giving you life? Comment below or DM me on Insta😊

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